Unfortunate Ma

The clock strikes 12, 
I see the kids wishing their mothers and all the motherly-natured people, a very happy mothers Day, say they love them the most...

But what about me?

I let out a huge sigh as the tears won't flow anymore and my heart won't go any lighter. 
I will have to put this strong face in front of everyone tomorrow, I forcibly close my eyes at 4 am to sleep, I see you, your happy face, your mischievous smile, your "see what I can do ruckus" activities and I see how calmly you sleep on my lap. Oh I so hate everything in this world, how I wish I can just stay in the past....i wake up to see some light but all I see is despair and agony. It's waking up to live a nightmare. 

I prayed and begged everyone to bring you back, but that didn't happen, I pray and beg for your wellness every second of my breath, I wish I could change things .... 

It seems longing for you is a lost cause, it seems it's too late, it seems I will have to move on, it seems I will have to live with this regret, and it seems the time won't come soon. 

Forgive this mother for not loving the child enough, for not caring enough and for not saying enough. Yes I do see your pictures that always say I love you and console myself. 

Yes, I'm very unfortunate....and it seems I'll also overcome this and smile again...it seems.... 


-Unfortunate Ma

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