Hope, finding the benefit of hope.

The clock strikes 12,  I see the kids wishing their mothers and all the motherly-natured people, a very happy mothers Day, say they love them the most... But what about me? I let out a huge sigh as the tears won't flow anymore and my heart won't go any lighter.  I will have to put this strong face in front of everyone tomorrow, I forcibly close my eyes at 4 am to sleep, I see you, your happy face, your mischievous smile, your "see what I can do ruckus" activities and I see how calmly you sleep on my lap. Oh I so hate everything in this world, how I wish I can just stay in the past....i wake up to see some light but all I see is despair and agony. It's waking up to live a nightmare.  I prayed and begged everyone to bring you back, but that didn't happen, I pray and beg for your wellness every second of my breath, I wish I could change things ....  It seems longing for you is a lost cause, it seems it's too late, it seems I will have to move on, ...

Today I broke down during a discussion with my manager, it was nothing negative there was nothing discussed either...what lead to that was a question, Hey Asha, how are you? All the fort and mask I had been holding fell at that instance. Glad it wasn't face to face discussion...or was it?? Hey, Asha! How are you ... That Is all it took... How am I?? A question I have been dodging these whole 6 months, a question I haven't asked myself seriously.... Let me ask myself, how am I doing? Well, let's see.... To the Outside world, I have portrayed myself as this busiest person on the earth, enjoying her cup of coffee....literally.... But In reality.... I wrote a blog months ago saying how I was feeling numb despite doing everything that I wanted to do, and that I feel normal...looking back it was just a first aid done poorly, the need for the actual treatment was forgotten... Now in these last 6 months,  Some things happened that has hurt me a lot, have traumatized me,...

Dear Parents or to-be parents, It is my humble request that you teach your kid/children about, Importance of being kind, humble, and emphatic, Importance of saying No, How to embrace failures, Importance of existence, To identify not just the Good and bad touches, but also the good and bad attitudes, Taking care of the people/animals in need,  Not to tolerate violence, and to know when to leave the room if ill-treated, How to be polite and still maintain self-respect, not letting someone say they are not enough and that they don't deserve better things,  Importance of treating everyone with dignity, and respect, irrelevant to how important they are to you, How It is not okay to stereotype someone based on their history, place, race, etc., and to not let that affect your values, Not letting someone else's behaviour affect you, Importance of apology, and usage of words,  How to forgive someone without accepting an apology, About how it is okay to express yoursel...