2 years or 2 lifetimes?

Maama,
It's me!! 

It's been two years without you!!


I still cannot believe and agree with the fact that you left us 2 years ago!! Damn you Covid!! You took my fondest maama, the father everyone prayed to have!! 
I'm scared that I have sometimes forgotten that you're not with us, I still picture you working hard in your own world and welcoming me wholeheartedly with your motherly smile. That is the image I have of you. forgive me I still can't look at your pictures, my heart explodes with grief whenever photos shows a glimpse of you as a "memory for you" 
Maybe I'll never be okay with your loss. 

Maama, the world is cruel, God is and was unfair, you left and I thought it must be for some reason, the only reason I find is that you were exhausted, which is untrue, you loved life and you worked your whole life towards it. You can never be tired and I'm sure you would never be okay and have accepted the fact that you need to leave this world, your kids, the ones you fondly loved and eagerly waited to see them better.

I miss that soothing feeling whenever I pass through your place, I still don't have the strength to visit where you are resting and also the home, the one I waited every year for almost 360 days to visit. 

I'm so sorry for not being able to touch your feet, and for not being able to visit you, I regret that every time, believe me, I will not be able to heal from the pain of not being able to see you.  
You wanted me to be good, I hope I have been better and I wish that you're in peace. I miss you and your smile, not for a day but my whole life. 
I can't describe this pain, I needed your smile, encouragement, and the whole you, the epitome of greatness, so badly, I wanted to introduce you to all my beloved family and tell them..." he is someone I look up to, the person closest to God, the one I respect the most after mum, the one who has taught the whole world about how to be selfless and focus on your life, the one who never had a minute level of hatred, the definition of devotion ..." 

What do I do now?? you help me now!! I'm standing here alone now, if God can take you without caring about me and your family, how can I pray to him and ask for health and happiness? 

By the way, no one calls me by the name you used to call me, so I'm kind of longing for that, can you please call me one last time?? Can you??

Yours 
-the small kid who is now all lost. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

All I hear is work!

Image
The key aspects that most employees consider while selecting any employer would be compensation, growth and career development.  It is very important to also consider and ask questions about the workplace, the health of the potential team that you'll be joining and the environment that an organisation provides. Don't go with "What worse can happen?" Also, when a person leaves org one of the many reasons would be work environment.  Now, how can an organisation of let's say 100 to 20000 employees be responsible for one person's exit? and how can this be standardised as each employee is unique?  A 2022 study in the MIT Sloan Management Review cited toxic work cultures as the top driver of employee attrition—well above job insecurity or lack of recognition for performance.  The report said leading contributors to toxic work cultures included failure to promote equity, diversity, and inclusion (EDI), workers feeling disrespected, and Unethical behaviour...
Read more

we miss you :(

Image
The one who never complained, always smiled and amidst all the pain stayed calm. People say be like lotus and bloom in a pool of ditch… but my goal is to be like You, my dearest Maama…  it’s been three full years without you!! Yet I still cannot accept that you are not here.  To me you are still there at your store, staying super busy minding your own business… One of my fondest memories of my childhood would definitely be seeing you work endless hours and still be very warm and fatherly… Your way of treating everyone felt so godly that no one could take your place. That heart of yours was so pure… always...  It hurts so much to know that you are not here with us… and that everything broke apart… Not talking to you while you were here, considering that I still have time will always be my biggest regret of this life…I miss you so dearly… those people around you didn’t deserve your love and kindness… they didn’t recognize your worth while you were here…...
Read more

I'm fine! I'm thrilled

Image
Yayy, good news! Congratulations!! Maternity shoots It's a ! Baby shoots How lovely...   My grandmother used to say, " becoming a mother is the most beautiful moment a woman can experience ".  She hasn't slept properly for days, doesn't even know if it's day or night, just doing the routine job of feeding the baby, and celebrating with others . When asked about how she is, she says, " Yeah, um, I'm fine! I'm thrilled ," but she questions herself why she doesn't feel that way. She musters all the courage and with fear expresses her dark emotions, about how she's going through a weird feeling that was supposed to be cloud nine. Her family calls her a monster , telling her to get out of that space and be there for her child and to Grow up . She curses herself, filled with guilt for not being able to care for her child the way her family wants, the way society expects, and most importantly, the way she dreamed all her life . She still ...
Read more