19/12/2016 - 19/12/2022 Ajji

Ajji,

2016, 6 years flew by! 
I can't believe you're not here, not in any of our homes, complaining about things, scolding me (for so many reasons), listing a hundred things to eat, then complaining about the taste, filling us with all the family dramas, expecting and stating the saddest things though it's weird, and at the same time telling us to be stronger than ever...

You were everything and I realized it after you left me, the Asha I was before and the one I became after you left was in a way puzzling... Even you couldn't have guessed it...


I have not felt like you're not there, though I miss your songs and your weird way of saving money for your funeral (yeah she was a weird lady, and damn independent ), and man, you were so emotional, you were so open with me, you have cheered at my success, mocked for my dressing sense, joked about my hatred towards the usual norms, you used to be angry on people, cry with me, and yes you asked me to never forgive the people for hurting you, and treating you so bad(I have decided to let go of it, but I won't forget the pain you went through). You gave them everything, literally everything, and in the end...!!! 

I'm sorry I couldn't save you, could not send you better and I would have done anything at all costs for you to have had a great life, the pain is so heavy I don't have tears, my heart is just numb. Amma still cries every moment she remembers that pain. God is so cruel to you and it isn't fair, ask him why he did that when you get a chance. 

I'm trying my best to treat everyone with kindness, love, affection, and selflessly forgiving, and to never let anyone go through what you experienced.

You are there always at my all decisions times, happiness, sadness, confusion, and distressing times, you never told me to be this, you have told me to be me, virtually, I know that place you are now must also be okayish (we are the never settle people, isn't it!!). I have never given up because you'll make me do it, somehow. 

I hope I'm making you proud, I'm just being me, I'm trying my best to be a  better version with values and I'll always make you proud, you see ... And don't worry as you predicted I'm stronger than any man.

I miss you, jaasti, and I hope you're in a better place. 

- One of your so many grandchildren .... (I know I'm not your favorite but you will always be mine)

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